A Reply to Anonymous


Dear Anonymous,

I wrote a blog on this subject before so for more insight check out Foundation of a Relationship 

But let me start out by saying you are not alone. We've all been through it. I've been through it. I think most women who get hurt in a relationship or go through a bad break-up, blame themselves. It's like an automated response to blame everything that went wrong on yourself, instead of analyzing the situation and saying, "hey, it was both of our faults" not just mine. Situations aren't one-sided and like the old saying goes, it takes TWO to tango. BUT when cheating is involved? That's a whole different ball game.

I don't care if you didn't cook for him, didn't satisfy him in bed, or didn't rub his feet. THERE IS NEVER AN EXCUSE OR REASON FOR CHEATING! No matter what you did or didn't do, it is not your fault. A lot of people will argue that if a woman doesn't "do her job", then a man has the right to cheat. Yea ok!

Put it like this. Someone who isn't doing their job or fulfilling the requirements at their place of employment gets a few warnings. Then if they STILL aren't doing their job, they get fired. THEN that's when the boss starts looking for a replacement. It's the same shit in a relationship. 

Assuming your man is sane and normal, that means he has a conscience, knows right from wrong, and was fully conscious and aware of what happened and what he got himself into. Furthermore, LYING is a SURE SIGN of all of these because it shows that he knows what he did was wrong and will try to hide it so that he doesn't have to face the consequences of what will occur afterward. 

So with that being said, instead of him LEAVING or actually talking his problems out directly with you, he made the conscious decision to cheat. Did he worry about your feelings or relationship then? No, so why blame yourself?

As far as your friend, it's the same situation as far as jealousy goes. Men and (you'd be surprised) but WOMEN TOO, believe that being jealous is a one-way path to getting cheated on. For example, do these quotes sound familiar? :

1) "Jealous women are insecure and being insecure will get you cheated on"
2) Men saying "your jealous tendencies are driving me crazy and will drive me to another woman"
3) Woman saying "let a man be a man he'll get it out his system eventually"

Every single one of these statements are bullshit! I'm not a relationship pro but in MOST cases, jealousy is caused (like if your partner excessively flirts, texts girls, etc). And it happens in both WOMEN AND MEN. So if a man feels like a woman is too jealous and is sick of it, it is his job to either talk to her about it, find out WHY she is doing it, or leave. Not cheat. Simple!

So Anonymous, stop beating yourself up about it and blaming yourself. Tell your friend to do the same. If a man cheats, it's NOT your fault. He made that conscious decision so let him live with it. You don't need that. Move on honey ;-)

I hope that answers your question LOL. 

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